A Journey to Supernatural Transformation
The journey began in February 2016. I was on the balcony of a cruise ship in Southeast Asia, a trip gifted to me by my husband for my 50th birthday. I was miserable, and it wasn't from the 32 hours of travel and jet lag, albeit that was certainly exacerbating my sorry state. I sat looking out over the ocean reviewing my life and was extremely disappointed in my accomplishments thus far. I was coasting through, dependent on my husband financially and that had become unsettling to me.
Before meeting my second husband, I had been working three jobs, getting up at 3 AM to drive a half hour to the warehouse I managed. I unloaded trucks filled with pharmaceuticals, broke down the load for each independent pharmaceutical courier including myself, helped each driver load, then loaded myself. I was at my first stop, the VA hospital in White River Junction, VT by 8:15 AM. My last stop occurred around 3 PM barring any travel issues due to road work or weather. Upon arriving home, I rested for a bit before heading to the third job — a position in the office of a Price Chopper Supermarket.
In the free time I had, I was studying online marketing and web development hoping to start building an online empire.
I understood hard work it was what I had been doing since the age of 15 when I got my first job in a movie theatre.
I was forty-two when I met my second husband, on an online dating website, my divorce had been final for over a year, and he was beginning the divorce process. We started an online correspondence while he was on a business trip in Bangalore India.
When he returned from India, he came to visit and never left, we subsequently decided to move to one of his homes in Massachusetts from my small apartment in Windsor VT. He had to be closer to an airport for frequent travel, and my tiny apartment did not offer enough space for him to set up an office.
We met for the first time on November 28, 2007, and we moved to Massachusetts at the end of December that same year. Because he traveled extensively and wanted me to join him on these trips, I did not resume working, and when he obtained both homes in his divorce, and we moved into the 15,000 square foot mansion named Oakledge, a home six times larger then the house I owned with my first husband. My full-time job became managing this monstrosity.
We set a date for our wedding, November 28, 2009, hoping his divorce would be final by then. It was, and we married in a small ceremony at Oakledge.
Shortly after our wedding, the financial crisis that began in 2008 started to take its toll, and we began to suffer financially. It was a perfect storm of economic calamity. My husband's divorce was extraordinarily stressful and economically devastating, the real estate he owned became a massive financial burden, and his business suffered tremendously in the downturn.
We tried to weather the storm by turning Oakledge into a wellness retreat, but the town would not approve our plan.
Subsequently, we lost everything, my husband and his partner sold the business to a company in Northern Virginia, and my husband took a position with this company. We moved to a small rented townhome in Herndon, VA, the only town in the area of Washington DC that we could afford. I didn't care where we lived I was exhausted from constant stress and numbed by depression; this was not the life I had signed up for!
My downward spiral continued. I packed on the pounds becoming morbidly obese which only magnified my self-loathing. My eating was fueled by emotion, and we were still in the throes of an emotionally toxic period. My husband's never-ending court battles with his ex were causing a significant strain on our marriage. At one point my husband was thrown in jail, and I was put in the position of begging his employer for $25,000 to get him out!
They were turbulent times, and my husband tried unsuccessfully to cheer me up by taking me on fabulous vacations, but I was wallowing so profoundly in self-pity and self-loathing that it made enjoying these trips quite arduous.
In the next five years, we traveled to many spectacular places. We moved from Northern Virginia to Glens Falls, New York, then to Asheville North Carolina. I felt the overwhelming urge to run when things got burdensome, and so we did. Each move brought a little more relief to my self sabotaging lifestyle. In Glens Falls, NY I started to get super serious about getting healthy. We had the gorgeous Adirondacks as our back yard, and there was an abundance of spectacular hiking trails to enjoy. I got a puppy I named Barnaby Jones Bloomberg, and he and I would go hiking together. He was my world along with my Grandboy, and together Rykie Roo and Barnaby Boo helped significantly in my healing process.
My husband launched his own business in Glens Falls when the Start-Up he took a position with did not work out. It wasn't long before Intellyx was in the black and continued to snowball and as the business grew so did my restlessness.
It was time for flight, and my husband was ready for this move as the long winters in Glens Falls did not appeal to him. We headed South to Asheville, NC in July of 2015 and settled into a vacation rental in North Asheville. With every move, I had the intention of joining meet up groups to meet new people, but my self-loathing always got in the way. In September we signed a lease on a townhome in East Asheville near our favorite dog park, and we settled in hoping this would be the last move for a long time. I was feeling it was time to start putting down some roots and Asheville had a lot to offer.
I complained so much I was even annoying myself! I had issues, people!
I needed a life intervention. Every area of my life was a mess; I was wallowing in a pool of stagnation, and it was killing me! I was a dead woman walking.
On the 32 hour trip back home I prepared a plan that would immerse me in the world of superhuman transformation. It would take me close to three years into this deep dive to return to the land of the living.
Running On Empty
I began my plan by looking for teachers and or mentors to help in my recovery process. I searched YouTube, Podcasts, Books and the Internet for those who resonated with me. From YouTube, I found Robin Sharma and Tim Bilyeu's Impact Theory. From Podcasts, I found The Tim Ferris Show and this podcast lead me to a massive number of more mentors. This podcast also led me to an extensive list of books either written or suggested from his guests.
One of the books that gave me a significant breakthrough was the book "Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect" by Jonice Webb, Ph.D. This book was a game changer for me because it brought to light the reason for all of my suffering.